Friday, April 18, 2008

My uncle is dying. This is not something I ever expected, never to him--not at 58 years old. I have not seen him in many years (since high school, I think), but he’s just a great guy. I have very fond memories of him. And he and his wife are just attached at the hip. My tears have been coming in spurts today, which is a reaction I never thought I’d have. It’s not like I have spent a lot of time with my uncle. But I just can’t imagine my aunt without my uncle. They are best friends, lovers, soul mates. I am SO sad for her. She may have a long life without her love. It’s so heartbreaking I can barely think about it. Maybe because I have felt a little distant from my own dear love. He’s been so busy at work for months now, and when he comes home we get the very most worn out version of him. Then by the time the kids go to bed he’s almost asleep. I need time with my hubby, and when I do not get it I get grumpy. Well, now I am beyond grumpy, I’m unconsciously pulling away from him a little. Not as worried about pleasing him. So yes, I am irritated with him--greatly. And I do not feel close to him. I feel unimportant to him sometimes. But even in all this, I know he is my honey, my love, the person i would most like to spend life on a deserted island with--he and the kids. I love him deeply, profoundly. And when I think about my uncle and aunt--here come the tears again--I wonder if there are any fights they wish they had not wasted their time on? Any times they spent distant and barely talking because of a misunderstanding, or something too stupid to even remember what it was? When I think of my sweet, beautiful, gentle spirited aunt spending her days without her beloved, it’s almost too much to bear. Makes me want to push aside any resentment I am harboring against my husband and just get over it and live out whatever years God has for us together in PEACE. Maybe that’s the bigger lesson here: do not do things that you will look back on with regret. Especially not in regards to people you love. Blessings and prayers to my aunt and uncle.

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