I have just been....away. Not that we have not been busy. We're still trying to settle the house because our son needed surgery (expected), and my husband is off for the next 2 week to help me with the necessary changes, and he always keeps me busy! But other than that, I have just....not posted. I think that the focus on the new year, trying to be what God wants me to be, and thinking about the new baby has me just a little day dreamy. And preoccupied. And maybe feeling like I just plain don't wanna be on the computer. lol.
I feel like I want to focus on things that I used to find fun or interesting before computer time took over what little free time I have (not that I feel I need a whole lot of free time. I rather like having my days being filled up with meaningful, outside-of-me pursuits). I miss photography. I miss sewing. I miss being on top of my house (not saying that's actually going to happen right now. lol). But you know what I really miss? Being outside. Feeling every season in all it's glory. Smelling crisp, almost minty air in the winter. Seeing the emergence of fruits and flowers in the spring. Letting summer bake me without complaint. And really being present for fall, my favorite season. I miss a good walk. I was just noticing the other evening and remembering how much I love the light right as the sun is setting. Colors are so rich, white is so bright. Walks in that kind of light are the absolute best--they are invigorating and make cheeks rosey. When I allow myself to be awake in these moments, created by the Creator, I feel closer to Him. But I have a problem being still. The verse "Be still and know that I am God" gives me chills when I think about it--let it sink in. He is calling me (and all of us) to *stop* and see Him. Stop and see His handiwork, His love for us, His brilliant artistry, how everything comes together so beautifully effortlessly, yet so intricately that only God himself could have orchestrated it all. It's in these moments, however few and far between I allow them to be, that I stand in awe of God. He is so massive, so powerful, so unknowable, yet so gentle and intimate with his children. I want more moments like these--when I realize how small I really am, and how insignificant my problems really are when faced with an Almighty who lives and can do anything.
So I guess la-la land is not such a bad thing, when it brings me closer to who God wants me to be, and to how He wants me to think. Not such a bad trade off, I think.